Coffeeology is the best espresso I’ve found in Halifax. A homey little place up Dresden Row. Nice balanced roast.

Today is my last real day in Halifax: I fly out tomorrow morning. It has been a good break from what my life has become.

It has been good to see my Aunt, cousin and a couple old friends who have newly moved out here. The landscape reminds me so much of where I’m from in Eastern Ontario — Algonquin Territory — the Ottawa Valley, but with the ocean.

I don’t know why I am so drawn to the water, rivers, lakes, seas, burns, creeks, even sloughs. Maybe because I was born so close to the Kitchissippi in Pembroke and swam, paddled and played there as a child. Maybe just because we all are as humans. I have no illusions about my own specialness.

Walking on the ocean floor with my aunt and her doggos yesterday was more healing than I expected. I watched wee crabs poking about in tidal pools and skipped stones on the ocean.

I rented a guitar while I was here and have spent more time playing than I have in months, including just noodling around, which I almost never do. It has been a real joy to have this outlet.

I feel almost constantly conflicted between doing and being. It has been a lifelong struggle, but I have found a little more being time on this trip. It may be what I like best about travelling on my own–it is difficult to do, so I am more able to be, at least for some longer moments.

As always, I wonder how to bring this home, what I can or want to change in my life. And if I am going to make changes, how do I do that in a way that allows others to adjust without crisis?

Dunno. But I think it may be time to draw some things to a close to make space for renewal and the new. My cancer diagnosis and treatment make me even more aware of these feeling because they thrust mortality and some version of disability into my face as a personal reality.

I want to write and create more, float more, love more. Not sure any of that is very compatible with my current work.

I guess I have some work to do…